Parenting Model

My parenting model is pretty simple.  I find myself repeating the same principles over and over that guide how I make decisions about my kids.

I love God first.  Then my husband.  Then my kids.  Which unless you're a Christian is super hard to understand, but it's important to know that it doesn't mean I love my kids less than my husband.  It's a priority of lifestyle that keeps everyone running smoothly.  It avoids that entitled mentality that kids have these days where they feel like everything has to revolve around them and their needs (ie. I'm boredddddd - ENTERTAIN ME!"  It also gives them a healthy dose of respect for authority.  It also instills that God is more important than any and everything else.

I'm consistent and I'm calm when I'm angry.  I attack the logic of the scenario whenever possible.  "Why would you turn off the shower when your brother still has soap on his face.  Do you think that's kind?  Is that the kind of girl you want to be - a bully?"  I ask them what makes good parents and I reinforce that the answer is "to raise people that grow up to be good, kind, happy, successful and Christian adults".

I tell them over and over and over again that the best way to love themselves and see their own value is to try hard things and to practice, practice, practice until they get it right.  When they do that I say "Good job!" but I also say, "Do you feel proud???".  When they can't do something I don't make a big deal out of it, I just tell them "Then practice!"  I show them that I assume they can do anything they want if they practice hard enough.  I don't pity them when things are hard, I encourage them to push through it.

I build the family "brand".  In our family we pray before dinner.  We celebrate Jesus at Easter, we don't give big presents.  We serve each other.  We work hard at school.  We stick up for our brothers and sisters.  We respect each other.  We all do chores to take care of the house.  We ask before we use things that belong to other people.  We have positive attitudes when things are challenging.

We tease and have fun.  The other day I made breast milk ice cream and tricked the kids into trying it.  When Andy cried, I told him to have a sense of humor about it.  When I make a mistake, I laugh.  When they spill their milk, I tell them the table was thirsty and then ask them to clean it up.  I call them dorks.  I call myself a dork.  We're honest and we challenge each other not to take ourselves too seriously.  It's a big family, with a lot of chaos.  We'd go mad if we took things too seriously.

I make sure that they treat their parents, and all other adults with respect.  I ask them to say "Yes?" instead of "What!".  I tell them to come talk to me if they have a question, don't yell at me from the other side of the house.  I don't let them give me one solitary ounce of back talk.  I treat them kindly and with respect, and I expect the same.

Lastly, I tell them at every single turn how special they are to me.  How lucky I am to have them.  I spend their birthday with them every year, just them, doing whatever they want.  I tell them specifically what they are good at and how that makes me proud.  You're so talented at arts and crafts.  You're such a good reader.  You are so good at gymnastics.  You're such a good babysitter.  You're such a smarty pants in math.  I go to their sports games and when they are older and play music (God willing) I will proudly go to their concerts.  I tell them are special because God made every single detail with a purpose.  Why do you think God made you taller than all the other kids? I'll ask.  So I can take care of my brother! she'll answer.  I think you're right, I'll say.