The Pursuit of Impossible Perfection

I don't know if Dad's experience this, but I'm going to assume no.  I've seen how Cameron sleeps at night.  There may be things that keep him up but it's not an obsession with how many simple carbs were included in dinner or because our middle son skipped his math facts.

Why do mother's feel like perfection is achievable?  I spend every night going to bed reviewing all of the mistakes I made today as a woman, a wife and a parent.  Unless I meet specific daily criteria, I feel like I am dropping the ball, slowly spiraling down the rabbit hole of failure.  There is just SO much to track in any given day, I wonder how anyone feels like they are getting it done at the end of every day.  How can I manage the emotional, physical, educational and spiritual needs of all my children on every given day?  Then add to that my and my husband's emotional, physical and spiritual needs.  Keeping clean laundry at my family's disposal - neatly folded and hung clothes, ready to be worn.  Keeping the toilets and bathtubs clean.  Reading enriching books every night.  Making sure my kids are reading enriching books.  Spending 15 minutes of quality time with each child.  Staying on top of what my child knows, what they need to know, what can I proactively be teaching them to put them ahead of the curve.  Planning my meals a week in advance to save money on groceries and eat better.  Cutting coupons to save my family money.  Spending time praying and leading my children as Christians.  Spending quality time with my husband to stay connected.  Taking children to games and practices.  Calling your mother every day.  Exercising! Showering! 

It's too much!  I'm reminded of a blog in which that writer (a mother) talks about how obnoxious it is when your told by strangers, "ENJOY THIS!  THESE ARE YOUR BEST YEARS!  THEY ARE ENDING SOON!".  She compared it to climbing Mount Everest with people stationed throughout the hike yelling at you to make sure you're enjoying it.  People don't climb Mount Everest because the day to day hike is fun, they do it because it's worth it in the end.

And then because I'm me, I add to that list - STOP STRESSING - you're ruining the golden years with your children!  Which doesn't really stop my stress, just adds to it as I rock in the corner stressing over being too stressed.  This is real life.  This is what happens in ma brain.

And I don't know what the answer is, I assume that just like everything in life as the days pass we get better at appreciating the moments in their perfection and in their imperfection.  I assume that not being able to get everything done means I must be doing enough of everything to be doing something right.  I tell myself that if my children are good people, God loving Christians and if they go to bed feeling loved and being safe that my job is ultimately done.  And I pray for the wisdom to let my breath out and enjoy the chaos of a big family that's full of love.